My Magical Weekend.

The premiere of Harry Potter was just days away, and my nipples were already hard with excitement. I had been waiting for this movie for a very long time, and nothing was going to stop me from seeing it. I was appalled to find out that Beatrice, a girl I work with, was going to be having emergency surgery a few days before the premiere, and that I might have to cover her shift and miss the movie. Beatrice and I are great friends, but the fact that she chose to get circumcised 3 days before Harry Potter had pissed me off something fierce. “I’ll quit!” I told my boss, as he laughed in my face, while informing me that people on my intelligence level couldn’t get a job as good as the one I have anywhere else! He proceeded in telling me that if I quit my job now he would make sure that the only job I would be able to receive would be at the local Sonic. I informed him that a future in carhopping was also not likely for me due to the fact that I have the rollerblading skills of a goldfish. Beatrice’s surgery went well but she informed me that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to return to work in time for me to make the movie, which was when I lost it! I decided to do what any normal human being would do in this situation, which was resorting to bribery.  I told Beatrice that if she returned to work in time for me to make my movie that I would either make her a cake, or have sex with her, and for reasons still unknown to me she decided to go with the cake. I arrived to work the next day with a freshly made cake, and a smile on my face knowing that I was hours away from seeing Harry Potter. Beatrice kept her end of the bargain and showed up in time for me to leave, and as soon as 9 o’clock rolled around Lilly, and I left work and headed for Bricktown. Our friend Gavin, and his white lover Ava road with us to the theatre, which made for an interesting ride as Gavin was screaming from inside my trunk. Under two circumstances do I make my friends ride in the trunk, which is them having gas, or being Mexican, and unfortunately Gavin had fallen under both of these categories.  After what seemed like an hours drive we finally arrived at the theatre to find the biggest freak show I have ever seen. People were dressed up as witches and wizards, battling each other with their wands, and I knew I was in heaven. After I crept through the parking lot, and evaded several misfired spells, I found Ace, and by the look of his nipples he was just as excited as I was. He led us into the theatre where our friend Samantha and her brother Kam were saving us all seats. The movie was everything I had ever hoped for. I was so excited to be witnessing it that I had climaxed at least twice within the first hour. The movie continued on and towards the end I heard sniffling and weeping to my right. I looked over and saw Ace, who was clenching a tissue in his hand as tears were flowing down his face.  I wanted to give him a giant hug in his time of need, but my favorite character, Bellatrix Lestrange, was on-screen and I was afraid if I stood up to comfort him someone might see my boner. The next day was my dad’s 30-year class reunion, which naturally was going to be hosted at our house.  My dad had offered me 20 bucks to either stay in my room, or leave the house. It was this moment in time that i realized i was the black sheep of the family, but took him up on his offer due to the fact that he had cash. After leaving my house I went to my friend Tori’s to hang out for a bit. Tori had gotten her wisdom teeth taken out a few weeks ago, and I decided that with her newly prescribed Vicodin we could have one hell of a night. We decided to go to the movies and I couldn’t get Tori to shut the hell up about seeing the new Winnie The Pooh flick. I finally convinced her that after being on the Atkins Diet for a whopping 3 days I wasn’t emotionally ready to witness Pooh eat excess amounts of honey, and that a second viewing of Harry Potter would only be for the best. We arrived at the theatre, bought our tickets, and waited in a line that seemed to go on for an eternity. We got into line and stood next to a family that smelt like goat, and looked as if they weren't against having sex with each other. Every time Tori and I try to go out we always find ourselves in awkward situations, and this clan of inbred’s was no exception. Our first encounter with bad luck started when we got lost on our way to the zoo and ended up in New Mexico. Ever since then nothing seems to go as planned when we are together. After the movie I dropped Tori off at her house, gave her a goodbye kiss on her ass cheek, and headed back to Norman to pick up Ace from the bar. Lilly and I arrived at the house of our friend Samantha’s best friend, Cori. Everyone was drunk off of their asses, including Cori’s dog Harley who had pissed all over the place after Ace had shared a bottle of Vodka with it. Ace usually isn’t one to share, but when a dog is involved he is always there with some form of alcohol, and a jar of peanut butter. After I had managed to get all of the drunken girls changed and into bed, while only fondling two of them, I rounded up Ace and we headed outside. The thing with Ace is he always manages to get so drunk he spills his guts, and that night was no different. After he had revealed to me his wildest fantasies about taking his midget employee, Derry, putting a bib on him, setting him in a high chair, and feeding him smashed peas, I threw up no less than 18 times. I have come to the conclusion that weather it be the wizard wannabes at the theatre, Tori, and her bad luck, or even Ace with his fetish for canines and midgets, that I am surrounded by people just as weird as me, people who aren't afraid to laugh when old people fall, or fart in a crowded church, and it's the fact that these people are in my life that make my life worth living.