36 Hours of Bullshit

Friday night had arrived like a stocking full of coal on Christmas morning, and knowing i had to be at work Saturday at 7am, i chose to stay in for the night. Around 11pm i decided to call it a night as i was feeling tired, and ready for bed. Just as i was slipping off into a dream about a hot-tub make out session with the original cast of The Golden Girls, i was rudely awakened by my cell phone ringing out of control.  I answered to hear my friend Lillys voice on the other end telling me to come over to her house. Lilly is the younger sister of my friend Ace, but the two are complete opposites. Lilly is a punk rock chick who sports black nail polish, and a bandana despite the occasion. Where as Ace abides by the GTL rule everyday of his life, and often gets referred to as a "Roided out Justin Bieber". I decided what the hell, and that i would swing by Lillys for a second just to say hello.  On the way i picked up my partner in crime Derek, and we ventured onward to Lillys. We arrived planning on kicking back and relaxing, but in the 20 minutes it had taken Derek and I to get there Lilly had developed a serious case of smokers cough and was feeling way under the weather. I wasn't sure what i was most pissed off at, the fact the Lilly had recently taken up the habit of smoking, or that she coughed through the climax of Don't Forget The Lyrics. After a good 30 minutes of coughing her lungs up Lilly decided she wanted me to take her to the emergency room, this idea made me ecstatic, i had been to the emergency room three times that week, and was one check-in away from becoming the mayor of it on FourSquare. After she realized that i wasn't going to take her to the hospital out of love, but rather my status on a social media application, she decided to just shotgun a few bottles of Delsym.  I soon realized that it was 3am, and that i had to be at work in no less that 4 hours, and that it would just be easier to stay up all night instead of even attempting to sleep.  I arrived at work with zero sleep, i could already tell that this was going to be a shitfest of a day.  We were screening the Belmont races in the our showplace and one thing i hated working was horse races.  Jace had called in due to the displacement of his achilles, which he told everyone was from an accident he had during a game of basketball.  I had managed to counter-act this excuse by telling everyone from customers, to co-workers that Jace was into that whole dance scene, and took a serious fall in his latest production of Swan Lake, which i felt was way more believable. Without Jace there i had to use one of the box office clerks to assist me in my duties, and had i known they were going to stick me with Derry, i would have opted to work alone.  Derry is.....f**king weird, not only does he cry at least twice during a standard 8 hour shift, but he is a munchkin. He is actually not short enough to legally be considered a midget, but not tall enough to ride a rollercoaster without the consent of a legal guardian, also, take in mind he is 45. I began to avoid him like a Jew, but working with him reminded me a lot of Willy Wonka, which made me hungry.  As i was walking to the food court to curb my appetite, a woman on a cane approached me and gave me the biggest ass chewing i had gotten since i put my brother AND his cat in the dryer when i was 7. She preceded to bitch about the lack of coffee in our facility, as i preceded to wonder who the f**k would want a cup of coffee at 3 in the afternoon.  As her, and her cane hobbled off i imagined myself taking the cane from her, beating her with it, and then shoving it up her ass in the finale, which ended up arousing me a tad. Four o'clock had came faster than my friend Derek the first time he saw black breasts, and i was ready to go home and sleep. On my way i got a call from Lauren, who told me to come up to the park to watch her and Derek play volleyball. I wasn't sure if "watch us play volleyball" was code for "watch us have sex", but i didn't want to miss out on either opportunity. I arrived at the park, and ended up hanging out mostly with our friend Gavin, and his girlfriend Ava, since Krull and Mel were canoodling in the pool, and Derek was moping around because Lauren had left without giving him any. Gavin was a good guy, his only downfall is his near brown skin, which he claims is from his Native American background, but due to his love for bean dip, and white girls, i can only assume he is a Mexican. Ava is a sweet girl, she is so nice she actually makes me feel bad for being an asshole, and wish i could change my ways, but eventually i realize that people like Kevin Federline, and Gilbert Gottfried are still alive, and i fill with hatred once again. We lounged around the pool for awhile, and eventually watched Derek make a fool out of himself on the basketball court. He was missing every shot, and i hadn't seen him get that much rim since Lauren went down on his butthole during their previous encounter. We left the park after Damon, and Ace got off work, and ended up going to an 18 and older bar to occupy our night. During some point of the night Aces on and off girlfriend Billie arrived accompanied by a 400lb blonde girl that i first thought was John Goodman. We hung out at the bar until time to leave, and then the quest for food began, Krull and Derek decided to eat at a place called Fuzzy Tacos, Ace and i decided to opt out on that idea due to the restaurants name showing similarities to a unshaved vagina. We decided to run down to the Pita Pit and eat there.  On our walk to the pit we passed a street guitar player. I decided to give her 20 bucks out of the kindness of what's left of my heart, not because she was a good singer, but because she had the nerve to sing Smack My Bitch Up on a street corner in the middle of rural Oklahoma. After we ate we all went back to Damon and Aces place, and to my surprise Billie brought along her chubby little friend, who i later nicknamed Tons-of-Fun. After a few games of beer pong, and long hard motor boating session with Tons-of-Fun, i decided to call it a night. I realized when i had gotten into bed that i had been awake for more than 36 hours. This is not acceptable, and i plan on never doing it again without the assistance of cocaine.